Part 3: Giving Yourself a Break Without Dropping the Ball
Self-Compassion as a Vital Tool to Reduce Workplace Anxiety
Intro: We’ve established that compassion in the workplace is crucial – but where does it actually start? In this third part, we turn the lens inward. Self-compassion is about extending the same kindness to ourselves that we readily offer to a friend or colleague. In a world of tight deadlines and high expectations, self-compassion can feel counterintuitive. However, it may be the most important step in managing stress and anxiety at work. Let’s explore what self-compassion is, why it’s so vital for our mental well-being, and some practical ways to practice it on the job.
If you’re like me, you might be your own worst critic. For much of my career, I thought pushing myself hard and being self-critical were the keys to success. Mistake on a project? I’d mentally berate myself for days. Overwhelmed by the inbox? I’d force myself to work late rather than admit I needed a break. This drive helped me achieve some goals, but it also fueled anxiety and creeping burnout. It took the upheaval of 2020’s pandemic for me to rethink that approach. Juggling work and life from my living room, dealing with global uncertainty – I eventually hit a wall. That’s when I discovered the concept of self-compassion, primarily through the writings of psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff and a supportive mentor who preached “take it easy on yourself.” It was a revelation: I realized I’d never treat a good friend the way I was treating myself. Why was I denying myself the understanding and patience I freely gave others?
Self-compassion, in essence, means cutting yourself some slack. It involves three key elements: mindfulness (noticing your struggles without exaggeration or denial), common humanity (remembering that everyone messes up or has hard times, not just you), and self-kindness (responding to your mistakes or stress with care rather than harsh self-judgment). Far from making you lazy, research shows that practicing self-compassion actually increases motivation and resilience. When I started being kinder to myself – for example, telling myself “It’s okay, everyone misses a deadline occasionally” or taking a short walk to clear my head on an impossibly busy day – I found that my anxiety levels dropped and my focus improved. I wasn’t wasting as much energy beating myself up, so I had more to devote to productive work. In fact, studies indicate that self-compassionate people experience better mental health, less stress, and less anxiety at work. They tend to have higher job satisfaction and a healthier work-life balance. Crucially, because their self-worth isn’t tied so tightly to perfection, they bounce back from setbacks more quickly – they see mistakes as learning opportunities rather than catastrophes.
So how can we practice self-compassion in the workplace? Here are a few strategies that have worked for me and others:
- Mindful Pause: When stress spikes (an angry email, a project gone awry), take a brief pause. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and acknowledge what you’re feeling without judgment. Simply saying to yourself, “This is really tough right now, and I’m feeling anxious,” is a form of validation. It stops the cycle of rumination and brings you back to the present moment where you can respond more calmly.
- Kind Self-Talk: Pay attention to your inner dialogue, especially after a mistake or a setback. Would you scold a colleague for that same mistake? Probably not – you’d encourage them. Do the same for yourself. Swap “I can’t believe I screwed that up, I’m so stupid” for “I made an error, but I learned from it. I’m human, and it’s going to be okay.” This isn’t touchy-feely fluff; it’s treating yourself with basic dignity.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Self-compassion includes protecting your well-being. That might mean diplomatically saying “no” to additional tasks when your plate is full, or allowing yourself to log off in time to get a good night’s sleep. Remember that fierce self-compassion (standing up for your needs) is as important as tender self-compassion (comforting yourself). By setting boundaries, you’re acknowledging that you deserve rest and respect just like anyone else.
These practices might feel awkward at first – I know I felt odd telling myself “You’re doing your best, hang in there” in the midst of a frantic day. But over time, these small acts of self-kindness build up emotional strength. I began to notice I was less irritable with colleagues and more creative in problem-solving, simply because I wasn’t operating under constant self-imposed stress. And an interesting bonus: when you model self-compassion, you indirectly give your coworkers permission to take care of themselves too. It contributes to a healthier team dynamic where it’s OK to be human.
Ultimately, self-compassion is not selfish – it’s the first stepping stone to creating a more compassionate workplace overall. When we each treat ourselves with care, we have more patience and empathy available to treat others the same way. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others. In the next part, we’ll look at how those “others” – specifically, our leaders – play a pivotal role. After all, while individual practices are essential, leadership can make or break whether a culture of compassion truly thrives.Frankly speaking …
I’d truly value your insights. What’s your take on this topic? Whether it’s a small moment or a big shift, your reflections can help deepen the conversation for all of us. I invite you to share your ideas, questions, or suggestions in the comments below. What’s one way you practice (or plan to practice) self-compassion during your workday? Maybe it’s a morning ritual, a mantra, or simply cutting yourself some slack. Share your tips or thoughts – they might help someone else in our community!